Digital Calendar – April

Part of the #100daysproject started on the 2nd of April and this is day 2s attempt at selfcare.

No funny quirky blog post, just raw me trying to be better at anything creative. I can do this!

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The Bloggers Voice

I was reading an article about why people, woman in particular, blog. It went on the lines of, woman, specifically new moms, blog in the attraction that they might receive free stuff or that some mommy’s even make decent livings off blogging. Literally the most topics of blog pins is “how to make money off of your blog “.

I started my blog with the intention of finding places to go to that I can enjoy with my child. This attempt has been extremely frivolous and this space has now become the place I go to, so that I can talk to someone. Yes even though that someone is myself and my WordPress blog site is full of unpublished blogs.

When asked why they blog, 99.999999% of bloggers will tell you that it’s because they want to be heard. Why have we given up on listening to people IRL, but will give 100% trust an article on the internet. I blog to vent because I finally have a handful of people who honestly check up on my through it. They make me laugh, cry, and feel at home. With massive fangirl eyes, I beam with light when a mommy blogger or just blogger or well known IGer likes a post or replies to my DMs.

Motherhood becomes a very lonely place, not just because you spend 99% of your time with this little smoosh, but because you are either avoiding the constant reminders of the outside world or avoiding people altogether. Not just because I don’t think I can intellectually converse with someone without mentioning the cutest thing my child did, but also because I don’t want to offend anyone or be offended by anyone. Yes that’s right, 9 months in and 14 months out and I’ve have 5000000 months of advice I didn’t ask for.

So I come here to type away my feelings and frustrations. I, in no way feel like anyone should be obliged to read or commenton my writings. I do however see that, blog photo posts that are non baby related get less likes than others. People inherently love cute babies and cute kittens, it’s just in our nature. They, in all honesty, don’t read blogs anymore. A question was asked if you still read them and in all fairness I don’t even get a chance to read my own. I do however read those that spark interest.

So I come here to vent, seek sympathy for myself from myself, voice an opinion that I have, that might offend others and most importantly to be heard.

Why Kylie Makes me a Better Mom

Kylie Jenner had a baby exactly a month and a half after I gave birth to my little girl! So it would have been easy to fall fast and furiously down that rabbit hole of Instacomparison (mashed up words to explain how we compare our own lives to the Instagram world) !

But if there was one thing I realised very quickly, it was that I was more likely to beat myself up about the unrealistic lives that the general influencer portrays than the Forbes life she has come to achieve.

It’s very easy to slide into a depressed state when you hop into a new life stage and start to see people who you believe, are the same as you. However they aren’t.

Firstly I write to get stuff down on paper and out of my head because who wants to be thinking about how fish poop, without doing the research on it and then sharing it with everyone. Others don’t even blog or write relevant articles about things and get the “influencer” status.

Kylie becoming a mom has actually been wonderful to watch. Because I know she has people to watch her little girl when she can’t, I know she has people doing her hair or magically transforming it blue, she gets clothing delivered to her Ferrari swamped door and she’s cooking food she’s bought from the best shops, (because if you follow her, you will know she actually cooks sometimes)

As I sheepishly slide out of Checkers, after buying a half price marked down DIY dinner box suggested by some influencer mommies that I have come to trust, I recall many others suggesting that you buy a prepack cook-a-meal thing for only R700 for 4 meals a week for 2 people. Working that out to almost 3 grand a month for not even a full month’s worth of food. Ummmm I can sometimes get a full month groceries with that amount. Then its the suggestions of baby clothes from places you would love to support but can’t because a onesie for R260 is a little bit out of the budget when R230 at PEP covers your little ones wardrobe issues for one growth spurt of 5 outfits (I have managed to find a R5 tshirt there).

Then I start to hyperventilate. Why am I not making it in the month, yet they are. Why can they but I can’t. Here I am busting my ass off and they don’t seem to be.

Yes its #sponsored or #ad or #gifted. I still look and I don’t care if you are paid for it just be honest in your review and I will happily continue to follow you.

That is why I took a mommy moment to take back my own social media mental health. Just because they post pretty and I feel bad unfollowing, does not mean that I have to be controlled by it. Follow mommies who show you that they hustle, show you that they work their butts off, show you the real side of things and the pretty. Follow accounts who make you feel inspired not expired.

And back to Kylie, well while she looks at names to call her next lipkit, I’ll be here researching where and how fish poop.

Why she can believe in fairy tales

And they lived happily ever after….

The new movement of today is that celebrities and the likes, are not allowing their daughters to watch Disney fairytales. Where the beautiful princess gets saved by a charming prince from a far away land. They say it sets them up to believe that a man is the one thing that will save you and sets unrealistic views on how woman should be treated.

Ummmm hold on. Let’s step back a little.

In all honesty, I doubt that the reason these fairytales were written by Anderson, Perreault etc, was so that woman would become the “weaker” sex. It was then seen as escapism. A way to view the world, beyond wars and death.

By letting my daughter watch (and love) Disney princesses, I am by no means teaching her that a man must save you or that you are not intelligent nor to give up your voice for a man.

I am letting her imagination run wild. Letting her explore the world where animals are your friends and that there are evil people out there.

I want her to stay young for as long as possible and not fall down this synical dark hole called adulthood. Play make believe and believe in fairies, gnomes and Father Christmas. Why are we forcing these societal values on our children and forgetting to let them forge their own way in the world. (with our guidance)

Let them be kids!

I would also like to bring to light that by not allowing my daughter to believe in a prince charming, I am also taking away from the boy mommies out there who are desperately trying to raise gentlemen, with loving hearts and amazing manners. These woman have so much they will now battle with because of all the scandals and controversies and are still expected to raise impeccable men!

I will raise a little girl who’s heart is a Belle, who’s force is a Princess Leia and who is compassionate but wild and free is a Moana.

Let them be children for a little longer!

Have a marriage not a wedding

You see them posted all over pinterest and you try to compete with the Instagram version of the wedding you want to have, but if I could go back and change it all, what would I change.

This month, we celebrate my parents 46th Wedding Anniversary. How does a couple reach 46 years of living in the same space as one person. How do you successfully get through that many years.

I tried to look into what they have taught me about a marriage

  • If it breaks, fix it. Don’t just through it away ~we live such a “throw away” society, that it has become so easy to just toss aside something, if it isn’t working for us. Instead of putting a little bit more work into it or trying to find what the deep rooted problem is and fixing it.
  • Fight it out ~don’t bottle it up. If something is bothering you, that you can’t put down to just being difficult, talk about it. When you begin to bottle the big things up, you will find that soon that bottle will be too full to close and you will explode. I’m not saying fight over all the little petty things that annoy you, just if something upsets you or makes you mad, talk about it. Because that massive blow out that will come after bottling up everything else will be worse than just hashing out the smaller day to day things.
  • Don’t expect the other person to do more than you ask for ~remember to ask them to do things, constantly. They will forget and no they can’t read your mind.
  • Make the tea dammit ~she won’t ask and yes you must just assume, so make the tea and bring a biscuit
  • Get ridiculously affectionate ~even if it embarrasses your kids. They will see that love is about affection and that is how you should be treated.
  • That being said, Embarrass your kids as much as possible ~my favourite memory, is a video of my mom and dad fake singing to The Power of Love by Celine Dion. I still call it mommy’s song. As much as it would make 14 year old me cringe, it makes 34 year old me happy in anticipation for making memories like these.
  • Cook for him daily ~one thing my mom learned from my grandmother and I have learned from her is to make sure he isn’t hungry. I hear the comments about, he’s an adult he can do it himself, well then make your own tea. Always make sure he leaves the house with a full tummy, a full heart and an empty ball sack (that’s my side advise), because if he isn’t getting it from you he will look for it somewhere else.
  • That brings us to, put a smile on your face and just do it. ~ The more you do it, I promise the more you will want to. Unless he is horribly bad at it, then teach him what works. You are in charge of your own “outcums”.
  • Stand up for yourself though and don’t compromise on your own beliefs. ~Marriage isn’t about giving in, to make someone else happy, it’s about having your own ideas and making them work, as a team.
  • Men are capable of doing dishes, loading washing and cooking ~ Yes, I know I said cook for him but I completely believe that you take it in turns to be 100% for your partner, because you can’t be 100% all the time so let them be the 80% on the days you are 20%. Especially when you have kids. I learned this buy watching my dad cook an egg on a snackwhich machine into his curry toasty. They need to know how to do things too.
  • Stay kirky ~laugh and be funny, most people say they feel in love with the other person because they made them laugh, well don’t let it stop.
  • And never stop loving your partner!

So just remember you don’t have to be the pinterest Instagram wife everyone else pretends to be. You just need to be you.

So happy 46th Wedding Anniversary to my kirky, crazy, loud, mad, amazing parents. Thank you for falling in love and creating this amazing family I am apart of and for creating me.

101 things Successful People do (that I don’t)

Every year there is some sort of article or post somewhere, that makes you feel like a completely incompetent human being, as if having a baby and going through all the hormonal and brain changes doesn’t already do that. These say that because you aren’t doing one million specific things, you won’t get ahead and will never be a success.

Why do I even click on these links. Why does my brain compel me to feel like an overwhelmed under achiever. Well generally it’s because I am trying my best to do all the momming I can during the day and then fitting in a good 3 or 3 hours of constructive working.

I say this while I have just spent an hour of my day stuck under a child to ensure she gets the maximum amount of day time sleep, watching some Netflix. I then have to put this as my “ME” time for the day.

So I decided to use my time constructively and go through the list and pick them (and myself) apart.

I refer to the article I read on “14 Things Successful People Do” and I went through them all and saw that I will 100% not be successful and I will 100% be a great mom as a consolation prize.

  1. They focus on minutes not hours ~, ok I do this, because, as I mentioned before stuck under a baby, you are aways clock watching and thinking about the 101 things you could be doing.
  2. They focus on only one thing ~wait hold on what woman in her right mind only thinks of one thing and focuses on it. I don’t even focus on the words I’m typing without thinking of what to eat tomorrow.
  3. They don’t use to-do-lists ~WHAT!!! Who even gets shit done without making a list. I even make lists about making a list of the list I am supposed to be making. Then it says they work by the calendar… Ummmm…. That’s a list!
  4. They beat procrastination with time travel ~ I wish I could stop procrastinating, its my second biggest downfall. However that being said, this is why I believe in lists.
  5. They make it home for dinner ~well ummm yes that’s because I cooked it you dumbass
  6. They use a notebook ~for lists I bet you, ok, ok says for bright ideas as well. I do own about 50 different notebooks and have them everywhere, but mostly because I am a sucker for stationery.
  7. They process emails only a few times a day ~ thankfully Google alerts me to the most important emails, and I don’t get many of those, because once you start on the internet spiral you can never get out.
  8. They avoid meetings at all costs ~ I try and avoid humans at all costs so if I don’t have to chat to someone on the phone or face to face, unless you are in my top 10 people I wish to converse with that day, I completely avoid meetings or humaning of any kind.
  9. They say no to almost everything ~ lately I have had to learn this. I have realised that if it doesn’t benefit me or if I see myself having to put in more work than necessary for something then I put my foot down and say no this is not working. As a people pleaser it is so difficult to do this. Yes, yes, yes is a positive people pleaser motto, and no means you are being negative. Nope, no means you are putting yourself ahead of everyone else. So yes this is an amazing tip.
  10. They follow the 80/20 rule ~80% of results come from 20% of activities. So I’m guessing they saying do less and achieve more. I have found I actually do this lately. So after my full day of momming, I put work persona on. As I’ve said in these 3 uninterrupted hours than what I would have previously in a whole day. 20%input and get 80% output. And it works for all of us, get to spend solid one on one mom time with my little girl during the day.
  11. They delegate everything ~ummm nope! Have you ever asked anyone for help or to do something and they make it more of a mission for you than it is helpful. Well thats where my no comes in. Sure I could open up more hours of the day but delegation must come with assistance not hindrance.
  12. They touch things only once ~well I am the queen of procrastination so yes I touch something more than once all the time. Just now, now now are my favourite phrases.
  13. They practice a consistent morning routine ~as a mom to a 6month old how could one even try to keep a “consistent” routine but rising early has become a new norm so maybe the next step is to perfect the routine.
  14. Energy is everything ~nope coffee is!

The article ends off by saying:

You might not be an entrepreneur, an Olympian, or a billionaire (or even want to be), but their secrets just might help you to get more done in less time and assist you to stop feeling so overworked and overwhelmed

So I hope to learn something from this and put it to better use while I drink my coffee and watch some more Netflix.

Be bold be brave

I have grown up within the small amount of time that I have been a mom. You learn so much about how to take care of a little person but you learn so much more about yourself.

Open and honest, I hate competition, my brain does not deal well with having to be in a race that I never signed up for. Mostly because I believe to be kind to someone kills them more, because then they have no reason to dislike you. But over the years I lost this.

Everybody wants to be Somebody is how the song goes, but at what or at whose expense. Do you copy what’s tried and tested or do you leap out on a whim and be bold. It takes someone brave to try something new first thing for the first time.

I hope to teach that to little; seek an idea of what to do and then push its boundaries and to take calculated risks. There will be stages where everyone is on the same wagon, doing the same thing, so jump off and run wild. Don’t follow the heard. And yes, its completely ok to be different.

Be the first rate version of yourself rather than the second best copy of someone else.

Be bold, be bave, be you!