Why she can believe in fairy tales

And they lived happily ever after….

The new movement of today is that celebrities and the likes, are not allowing their daughters to watch Disney fairytales. Where the beautiful princess gets saved by a charming prince from a far away land. They say it sets them up to believe that a man is the one thing that will save you and sets unrealistic views on how woman should be treated.

Ummmm hold on. Let’s step back a little.

In all honesty, I doubt that the reason these fairytales were written by Anderson, Perreault etc, was so that woman would become the “weaker” sex. It was then seen as escapism. A way to view the world, beyond wars and death.

By letting my daughter watch (and love) Disney princesses, I am by no means teaching her that a man must save you or that you are not intelligent nor to give up your voice for a man.

I am letting her imagination run wild. Letting her explore the world where animals are your friends and that there are evil people out there.

I want her to stay young for as long as possible and not fall down this synical dark hole called adulthood. Play make believe and believe in fairies, gnomes and Father Christmas. Why are we forcing these societal values on our children and forgetting to let them forge their own way in the world. (with our guidance)

Let them be kids!

I would also like to bring to light that by not allowing my daughter to believe in a prince charming, I am also taking away from the boy mommies out there who are desperately trying to raise gentlemen, with loving hearts and amazing manners. These woman have so much they will now battle with because of all the scandals and controversies and are still expected to raise impeccable men!

I will raise a little girl who’s heart is a Belle, who’s force is a Princess Leia and who is compassionate but wild and free is a Moana.

Let them be children for a little longer!

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Have a marriage not a wedding

You see them posted all over pinterest and you try to compete with the Instagram version of the wedding you want to have, but if I could go back and change it all, what would I change.

This month, we celebrate my parents 46th Wedding Anniversary. How does a couple reach 46 years of living in the same space as one person. How do you successfully get through that many years.

I tried to look into what they have taught me about a marriage

  • If it breaks, fix it. Don’t just through it away ~we live such a “throw away” society, that it has become so easy to just toss aside something, if it isn’t working for us. Instead of putting a little bit more work into it or trying to find what the deep rooted problem is and fixing it.
  • Fight it out ~don’t bottle it up. If something is bothering you, that you can’t put down to just being difficult, talk about it. When you begin to bottle the big things up, you will find that soon that bottle will be too full to close and you will explode. I’m not saying fight over all the little petty things that annoy you, just if something upsets you or makes you mad, talk about it. Because that massive blow out that will come after bottling up everything else will be worse than just hashing out the smaller day to day things.
  • Don’t expect the other person to do more than you ask for ~remember to ask them to do things, constantly. They will forget and no they can’t read your mind.
  • Make the tea dammit ~she won’t ask and yes you must just assume, so make the tea and bring a biscuit
  • Get ridiculously affectionate ~even if it embarrasses your kids. They will see that love is about affection and that is how you should be treated.
  • That being said, Embarrass your kids as much as possible ~my favourite memory, is a video of my mom and dad fake singing to The Power of Love by Celine Dion. I still call it mommy’s song. As much as it would make 14 year old me cringe, it makes 34 year old me happy in anticipation for making memories like these.
  • Cook for him daily ~one thing my mom learned from my grandmother and I have learned from her is to make sure he isn’t hungry. I hear the comments about, he’s an adult he can do it himself, well then make your own tea. Always make sure he leaves the house with a full tummy, a full heart and an empty ball sack (that’s my side advise), because if he isn’t getting it from you he will look for it somewhere else.
  • That brings us to, put a smile on your face and just do it. ~ The more you do it, I promise the more you will want to. Unless he is horribly bad at it, then teach him what works. You are in charge of your own “outcums”.
  • Stand up for yourself though and don’t compromise on your own beliefs. ~Marriage isn’t about giving in, to make someone else happy, it’s about having your own ideas and making them work, as a team.
  • Men are capable of doing dishes, loading washing and cooking ~ Yes, I know I said cook for him but I completely believe that you take it in turns to be 100% for your partner, because you can’t be 100% all the time so let them be the 80% on the days you are 20%. Especially when you have kids. I learned this buy watching my dad cook an egg on a snackwhich machine into his curry toasty. They need to know how to do things too.
  • Stay kirky ~laugh and be funny, most people say they feel in love with the other person because they made them laugh, well don’t let it stop.
  • And never stop loving your partner!

So just remember you don’t have to be the pinterest Instagram wife everyone else pretends to be. You just need to be you.

So happy 46th Wedding Anniversary to my kirky, crazy, loud, mad, amazing parents. Thank you for falling in love and creating this amazing family I am apart of and for creating me.

101 things Successful People do (that I don’t)

Every year there is some sort of article or post somewhere, that makes you feel like a completely incompetent human being, as if having a baby and going through all the hormonal and brain changes doesn’t already do that. These say that because you aren’t doing one million specific things, you won’t get ahead and will never be a success.

Why do I even click on these links. Why does my brain compel me to feel like an overwhelmed under achiever. Well generally it’s because I am trying my best to do all the momming I can during the day and then fitting in a good 3 or 3 hours of constructive working.

I say this while I have just spent an hour of my day stuck under a child to ensure she gets the maximum amount of day time sleep, watching some Netflix. I then have to put this as my “ME” time for the day.

So I decided to use my time constructively and go through the list and pick them (and myself) apart.

I refer to the article I read on “14 Things Successful People Do” and I went through them all and saw that I will 100% not be successful and I will 100% be a great mom as a consolation prize.

  1. They focus on minutes not hours ~, ok I do this, because, as I mentioned before stuck under a baby, you are aways clock watching and thinking about the 101 things you could be doing.
  2. They focus on only one thing ~wait hold on what woman in her right mind only thinks of one thing and focuses on it. I don’t even focus on the words I’m typing without thinking of what to eat tomorrow.
  3. They don’t use to-do-lists ~WHAT!!! Who even gets shit done without making a list. I even make lists about making a list of the list I am supposed to be making. Then it says they work by the calendar… Ummmm…. That’s a list!
  4. They beat procrastination with time travel ~ I wish I could stop procrastinating, its my second biggest downfall. However that being said, this is why I believe in lists.
  5. They make it home for dinner ~well ummm yes that’s because I cooked it you dumbass
  6. They use a notebook ~for lists I bet you, ok, ok says for bright ideas as well. I do own about 50 different notebooks and have them everywhere, but mostly because I am a sucker for stationery.
  7. They process emails only a few times a day ~ thankfully Google alerts me to the most important emails, and I don’t get many of those, because once you start on the internet spiral you can never get out.
  8. They avoid meetings at all costs ~ I try and avoid humans at all costs so if I don’t have to chat to someone on the phone or face to face, unless you are in my top 10 people I wish to converse with that day, I completely avoid meetings or humaning of any kind.
  9. They say no to almost everything ~ lately I have had to learn this. I have realised that if it doesn’t benefit me or if I see myself having to put in more work than necessary for something then I put my foot down and say no this is not working. As a people pleaser it is so difficult to do this. Yes, yes, yes is a positive people pleaser motto, and no means you are being negative. Nope, no means you are putting yourself ahead of everyone else. So yes this is an amazing tip.
  10. They follow the 80/20 rule ~80% of results come from 20% of activities. So I’m guessing they saying do less and achieve more. I have found I actually do this lately. So after my full day of momming, I put work persona on. As I’ve said in these 3 uninterrupted hours than what I would have previously in a whole day. 20%input and get 80% output. And it works for all of us, get to spend solid one on one mom time with my little girl during the day.
  11. They delegate everything ~ummm nope! Have you ever asked anyone for help or to do something and they make it more of a mission for you than it is helpful. Well thats where my no comes in. Sure I could open up more hours of the day but delegation must come with assistance not hindrance.
  12. They touch things only once ~well I am the queen of procrastination so yes I touch something more than once all the time. Just now, now now are my favourite phrases.
  13. They practice a consistent morning routine ~as a mom to a 6month old how could one even try to keep a “consistent” routine but rising early has become a new norm so maybe the next step is to perfect the routine.
  14. Energy is everything ~nope coffee is!

The article ends off by saying:

You might not be an entrepreneur, an Olympian, or a billionaire (or even want to be), but their secrets just might help you to get more done in less time and assist you to stop feeling so overworked and overwhelmed

So I hope to learn something from this and put it to better use while I drink my coffee and watch some more Netflix.

Be bold be brave

I have grown up within the small amount of time that I have been a mom. You learn so much about how to take care of a little person but you learn so much more about yourself.

Open and honest, I hate competition, my brain does not deal well with having to be in a race that I never signed up for. Mostly because I believe to be kind to someone kills them more, because then they have no reason to dislike you. But over the years I lost this.

Everybody wants to be Somebody is how the song goes, but at what or at whose expense. Do you copy what’s tried and tested or do you leap out on a whim and be bold. It takes someone brave to try something new first thing for the first time.

I hope to teach that to little; seek an idea of what to do and then push its boundaries and to take calculated risks. There will be stages where everyone is on the same wagon, doing the same thing, so jump off and run wild. Don’t follow the heard. And yes, its completely ok to be different.

Be the first rate version of yourself rather than the second best copy of someone else.

Be bold, be bave, be you!

Parenthood

Seeing “The Rocks” (photo and repost by the mummary on Instagram of the rock) post today made this a perfect day to poat this blog piece. Wow, how he speaks so honorably of his wife after being there for her labour.

When did the world becomes so centered around the fact that when you have a child it’s only the mother, and so hashtag motherhood became “the thing”.

(Hay you, sit down before you come to me with the single mom, working dad, long distance parenting, any type of different situation to the norm, etc rant. I completely understand those and I give credit where credit is due and I take my hat off to those doing this alone, because I definitely couldn’t.)

But lets give those dads, who are around some credit. It seems so few and far between lately.

Its not easy having to work a full day and then still come home and be “present” for a wife who has only seen 4walls and spoken to a tiny human who doesn’t “word” respond; let alone have to be woken up by the crying child during the night as well.

We are all in this together remember. Him, her and I. Mom, dad and baba.

Sometimes it makes you feel like he wants to run away for “me time”. Let him have space, so that when he returns, his “tank” is refueled, to allow him to take the child off your hands, so that you can recharge.

The clarity I found from finally realising this, is phenomenal. I fought and fought, heard stories of dads who do this or that and yet I still fought some more, actually forgetting the amount he really does (ps I still fight it sometimes because “if she doesn’t fight for you she’s fighting for someone else”).

You hear people say it’s all about the balance, but honestly who can juggle, and even if you can, sooner or later you will drop one ball.

So I’m still here working on the being away from her situation. I would rather give up hot coffee to just be near her all the time, but I need to remember that for her sake taking a step back, for even 5 minutes, gives us both back what we need to move forward.

Not happy wife happy life anymore. Happy dad, mom not sad and baby always glad.

Maternity (stay at home, dont leave the house, don’t know where the day goes, ohmyword its 5 o’clock, is it already may, enjoy time with baby) leave

There is a misconception of what maternity leave is. No it’s not 4 months off from work to do the things you want to do. No its not a holiday. No I’m not relaxing while everyone is working. I’m actually :learning, feeding, changing, entertaining, learning again, sitting under a sleeping baby, going insane (some days), doing my 5th load of baby clothes washing, feeding, changing again etc.

I’m actually momming! And damn it aint an smooth ride.

Why should it be called leave? This leads to such a big misconception behind what you are actually doing or what you actually can do. Both from an outsiders perspective and from your own. We, in South Africa, are actually considered lucky as some first world countries don’t get this benefit (maternity leave) but if you have been on “maternity leave”, you know exactly how necessary it is.

It is not cushy time to be living it up, doing what you want to do. Don’t get me wrong, yes you get to binge watch tv all day and not have to worry about work, however there are some days you would gladly swop the two, even for just an hour.

Then all of a sudden its over and you can’t remember what you did the whole time. Well congratulations, you have actually kept the tiniest human alive and that is the biggest and most rewarding job ever.

At the end of 4 months you realise they send you into the world at the peak of baby’s development and when sleep gets disrupted the most: here, go function as an adult for the first time in ages on dripping hormones, lack of sleep and transitioning mental capacity.

However this then leads to the next step; leaving baby and expect the tears (yours and theirs). Crying is normal I’m told, but I don’t cry I blub. Wait for the silence that eats at your heart till you get back to them. Who honestly suffers more from the ‘separation anxiety’, us or them. It can be done though I keep telling myself, others have achieved it and so can I.

The Feeding Scheme

Starting this blog was something I have been toying with for years, desperate to put my thoughts on paper (digital paper), desperate to become an internet sensation (not a good reason to blog though), giving myself something to do with my time while breastfeeding in the early morning hours and also because there was a voice missing from the world, Mine! Then I found a real purpose of this blog, to start adventures to kid friendly places and restaurants. Yes I will pour my heart out every now and then and I’ll give non- advise about everything we are not winning on. This is why I am an unflopped cake.

The unflopped cake, is a cake that has actually turned out amazing but the journey to get there was harrowing. Yes, Nailed it (Nailed It)! Thanks to a very adventurous nephew I have been the baker of some crazy cakes. The reason I use box cake mix and the reason I love baking. This explanation actually fits my life though. From meeting my “Instagram” husband to now having our little, life hasn’t been smooth sailing but then end result is unimaginable.

When little was younger the thought of getting out rendered me catatonic. She feeds on demand as a breastfed baby, which means that I would have to hall out the big guns (we call my boobs that because they save us in most sleep situations) at any moment, sometimes an hour after the last feed. This task is not so simple for me and I truly envy any mom who can pop her baby on the boob in the middle of no where. Mine is just a mishap of needing 4 arms, one to hold boob from nose, one for the cover all, one to prop her up and another to hold my phone.

So we then journeyed into the mix feeding world. And it works for us (may not work for everyone but that’s how we roll so not haters here please). We have also been blessed with a little who loves tastey food and has a very curious pallet.

So back to reason for the blog, well I am a massive foodie and love to adventure to places that offer delicious goods. Now with this 5 month old in tow it can be difficult. So I head to the internet and boooom, nope, no where is anyone blogging about good child/parent friendly places. Places that offer once off nappy buys, places my little can scream her head off and no one judges me and I can still get a fancy non hamburger and chips meal (don’t get me wrong I love me a hamburger or food, in fact all food)

So here we go. Off into this world. Nappy bag is packed and pram is ready. Where we off to first.